Current Events Hell

Something happened this week. It's worth mentioning that a social media guru that I follow (Kristen Lamb) has warned writers against posting about politics, unless they specifically want to be political writers. Her reasoning is sound – if you want to be known as a mystery writer, then that's the sort of image you should be developing for yourself. It's about branding and what people thing about when they see your name. Do they think about interesting places and intriguing thoughts, or political rants? So, I try to restrain myself. But something happened this week. To me it seems like something huge; it feels huge. I am glued to the radio and I find that I can't sleep at night. 

My younger brother, who lives and breathes politics, seems to treat it as insignificant – something to laugh about, and an opportunity to be amused by the people who are upset about it. I try to temper my response, to measure myself against him to make sure I'm not overreacting. 

I'm not good at politics.

I am usually good at writing. But, when my brain is consumed by something like this, I find it difficult. The President of the United States fired the director of the FBI, James Comey, as Comey was in the middle of an investigation into Russian meddling in our 2016 presidential election, as well as possible collusion with the president's campaign. Reasons have been put forward and then contradicted, and it all feels very much like the original Watergate investigation. This is not small, and thanks to social media I can get updates as they happen, which is all day every day. I don't want to, but I can't stop looking at this train wreck.

I try to do other things. I listen to my own music, but I get emails on my phone from news outlets and I can't bring myself to turn them off. I tried listening to the Sam's New Thing podcast, hosted by Sam Sanders of NPR (one of the original co-hosts of the NPR Politics podcast.) I thought it was supposed to be about art, culture, music and other interesting things, but even in this forum he and his friends discussed this topic for the first half of the show. 

I can't seem to get away from it. I am unable to write, or to read or to paint or draw. I am unable to do the things that could help me cope with this uneasiness. Also, it leaves me to wonder what I would be writing for. If I published one of my usual blog posts, it would be drowned by everything going on with the FBI issue. If I can't concentrate enough to even read a novel, would everybody else be as consumed?

Agador, I need some Pirin tablets. Quickly

Life After the Annus Horribilis 2016

We have made it through the annus horribilis of 2016. It saw more celebrity deaths than any year I can remember, including Prince and David Bowie at the top of the celebrity list. Not to mention a truly tumultuous presidential election here in the US. (Regardless of how you feel about the President Elect, it's impossible not to notice the rift between our people. It reminds me of the Civil War, where brothers were on opposing sides and families were torn apart. My own family has been torn by this election.) Also, the UK decided, for some reason that nobody seems to know, to leave the European Union in a political move called Brexit. On a more personal level, people close to me struggled in ways I didn't realize until things blew up in all of our faces. 

As we work to take the pieces off the ground and put them together again, we'll show this wicked world something beautiful and new. This new year brings with it many promises and opportunities. One could say that of any year, but this year is different due to intent and necessity. People are more politically engaged, for example. And, for my part I have taken what might be considered a leap of faith (but which was mostly an action taken in self-defense.)

I have (had) been making it a point to write more. I decided that I could sit around waiting for the right time to write, waiting for my novel to fall out of the sky into my outstretched hand, but so far that hadn't been terribly successful for me. So, I began to write. I wrote on my blog, and I wrote on a novel. I began to follow a few bloggers as well. One blog in particular spoke to me about the current opportunities we have as writers. Kristen Lamb wrote a book about writing in the digital/social media age and the way people can take control of their own brand. I began to read her book and put into practice what she was preaching.

Then, I noticed that I was slacking at my day job. It's a tough balance. I also noticed that in order to be successful at my day job I needed to focus more and more time on that job - not only when I was in the office, but checking in in the evenings and weekends as well. I came to the conclusion that it would not be possible to pursue both this job and my new personal goal of building a brand and writing a novel. I try not to talk bad about this employer because they were good to me for nine years. I changed; they did not. I could have gone forward with enthusiasm and I could have moved up with the company and made a name for myself. But, I didn't really want to. I found myself in the position of working half-heartedly and I realized that I would soon become bitter. I don't want to be the negative influence in the office. 

So, I took a chance and applied for other jobs. I interviewed and finally found one, and it promises to be secure and to have set hours. I gave notice at my employer and yesterday I worked my last day. This came as a shock to many people there, and frankly it was a shock to me. I haven't entirely accepted the fact that I am no longer working there, that those problems are no longer my problems. 

I don't think I was cut out for that sort of work in the first place. I told my manager that the main reason I was leaving was that I wanted a job in which I didn't have to medicate myself in order to get through a day. (It's true. Those meds turn you into a zombie and there is no creativity in the evenings.) If you get down to it, I think I was born to be a trust fund baby - to have funds to support myself without having to work and then be able to pursue the creative interests at my leisure. Or, at the very least to have a little financial support while I pursued them. Alas, I learned this about myself too late in life and I squandered away my youth working since I was 15 years old. 

So, here I am on the first day after my previous job, the first of five days off until my next job begins. I should have cleaned my room entirely, done all of the laundry, cooked lunch and dinner and written a blog entry and 1,600 words in my novel. I didn't. I washed two towels that my cat puked on and ate lunch at a local cafe with Barry. I am now writing the blog entry and tonight I will look at the novel situation and assess where to begin again. 

In the meantime, I leave you with the picture at the beginning of this entry - an example of serendipity that I hope is a portent of good things to come this year. I was taking pictures of a chrysanthemum that bloomed this winter, and I captured a ladybug as well, which I didn't realize until at least a day later when I was looking through my pictures. It's going to be a good year.

Putting it Together

I have been spending time today thinking about a logo. It's not that I need a logo, but when I was building my website on Squarespace they offered to make one for me. It's rather simple and not quite the perfect fit, but it's there and it works. So, I thought that I'd revisit the years I spent studying design/art and play with a logo for myself. 

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Shapes and Colors

It's brought me to think about what I'm trying to do with the website and this new direction I'm trying to take – writing and art. I revisited the notes that I took originally and I saw that I was supposed to be painting again. I've known this and I've intended to do it. But, I haven't actually done it. Alas, there are only so many hours in a week. But, I do need to make it a point to work this in. I can add it to the After Hours Sprints I do with an online community - WANA Tribes. We spend 40 minutes at a time in uninterrupted work. The idea is that maybe we can't dedicate half a day to something, but we can fit in 40 minutes. I generally use those minutes to write, but I can alternate writing and painting.

I visited a list of words (a Word Cloud) that I wrote at Kristen Lamb's recommendation. (She's the creator of WANA Tribes and she teaches branding, blogging, writing etc.) The words are supposed to describe me and my brand. The logo I created with Squarespace includes a cat, but I tried to incorporate a drawing of one of my own cats. It's not working for the logo, but I'm going to keep it because I like it. (Ideas for painting!) Other ideas from my Word Cloud are books, painting, mysteries, Agatha Christie (I adore Agatha Christie to an almost unhealthy level.) Cats are definitely in there as well. How could they not be? They are 50% of my life.

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Trying to remember how to use a grid

I have a color palette chosen already. Really what I need for the logo is something to enhance my name in Caslon typeface. I have started with a grid and a circle. As I said, I tried switching the circle out with a cat face - didn't work. I'm thinking of trying pages turning; this could represent writing, reading or painting – the three things I'm trying to promote.

All in all the project is making me think about my website, think about my brand, think about what my goals are and it's a way of pushing me forward. When I come up with what I think is a usable idea for the logo, I can enlist my graphic artist friend to help me from there. But, I don't want to outsource this experience. It's important to what I'm doing with my art and with my life. Going into it, I had no idea this project would have such an impact.